donkey's alright

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I made taquitos for lunch.

While everyone else was napping I defensively ate the leftovers.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with defensive eating, it’s where you eat something (even though you’re already full) just so no one else can eat it.

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Triple Chocolate Cherry Cake

You guys. Stop what you’re doing and make this cake right now. It’s fucking amazing. I mean, what’s not to love? There’s chocolate cake, cherry filling, dark chocolate frosting, and chocolate chips.

For The Cake:

I used this chocolate cake recipe from one of my favorite food bloggers, The Tolerant Vegan. Everything this lady makes is pure gold.

Dark Chocolate Frosting:

• 1 pound powdered sugar
• 3/4 cup vegan margarine, softened
• 1/2 cup unsweetened almond milk
• 2 T. strong coffee
• 2 cups cocoa powder
• 2 tsp. vanilla extract

I’m sure there’s a proper method for making frosting, but I just threw everything in my Kitchen Aid and beat it till it looked like frosting. If it’s too dry you can add a touch more coffee.

For The Filling:

• 1 can of cherry pie filling

Rinse the majority of that goopy shit off and put it between the cake layers. After you’ve frosted the bottom one, but before you add the top one. You get the idea. (If you don’t you should remove yourself from the kitchen. I’m serious.)

After you’ve frosted the entire cake, throw about a cups worth of mini chocolate chips on it.

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So I made cookies, and Holy Mother of Pearl they were delicious.

Recipe

• 1 cup Earth Balance vegetable shortening
• 3/4 cup packed brown sugar
• 3/4 cup white sugar
• 2 Ener-G replacer eggs
• 1 tsp. vanilla extract
• 1 1/2 cups all-purpose flour
• 1 tsp. baking soda
• 1 tsp. salt
• 1/2 tsp. cinnamon
• 2 1/2 cups of old fashioned oats
• 1 (10 ounce) bag of mini vegan chocolate chips

Cream shortening, sugars, egg replacer, and vanilla together. In a seperate bowl mix together flour, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon, then slowly incorporate it into the wet ingredients. Next mix in oats and chocolate chips, stirring until everything is mixed togather nicely. The mixture will be sort of crumbly, but that’s fine. Make golf ball sized dough balls and slightly flatten them on a greased cookie sheet. Bake for 15 minutes. Let rest 5 minutes on the cookie sheet before moving them to a cooling rack.

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Chili Mac

• 2 tbs. of olive oil
• 8 ounces of ground seitan or other meatless crumbles
• 1 small onion, minced
• 1 (28 ounce) can of crushed tomatoes
• 1 (14.5 ounce) can of petit diced tomatoes
• 1 (15 ounce) can of pinto or kidney beans, drained and rinsed
• 4 cups of mock beef broth
• 2 tbs. of chili powder
• 1 tbs. of ground cumin
• 1 tsp. garlic powder
• pinch of ground mustard
• dash of hot sauce
• 1 1/4 cups of uncooked rotini pasta

Heat oil over medium high heat in a large skillet or soup pot. Brown the seitan and cook the onion until it’s translucent. Add everything (except the pasta) and bring it all to a boil. Once it’s boiling add the pasta and bring the heat down to a simmer. Cook for 15-20. Garnish with Daiya.

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Best Ever Protein Shake

• 3 cups of ice
• 1 cup of almond milk
• 2 scoops of chocolate protein powder (I think the Arbonne brand is best)
• 1 banana
• 2 tablespoons of peanut butter*
• 1 tablespoon cocoa powder

I’ve said, “Oh my god, this is so good!” about four times already and I’m only half-way through the damn thing.

*When I say peanut butter, I mean real peanut butter, as in the only ingredient should be peanuts. None of that over-processed shit. I’m looking at you Jiffy, and you should be ashamed.

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Lazy Vegan Barbecue

• 8 ounces of seitan, either ground or cut into bite-sized peices
• 1 1/2 cups of cooked lentils
• 1 small onion, minced

Saute the seitan and onion over medium high heat in a few teaspoons of oil until the onions are cooked through and the seitan has browned. Turn the heat down to low, add the lentils and ingredients for the sauce as follows.

• 1/2 cup water
• 1/2 cup ketchup
• 1/2 cup mustard, I had yellow on hand so that’s what I used
• 1/4 cup pure maple syrup
• 3 tablespoons of brown sugar
• 3 tablespoons of tomato paste
• 1 teaspoon of soy sauce
• 1 teaspoon of garlic powder
• 1/2 teaspoon of apple cider vinegar
• 1/4 teaspoon of liquid smoke
• dash of cinnamon
• dash of ginger
• dash of mustard powder
• dash of hot sauce

Let everything simmer for 10-15 minutes. Then it’s ready to eat. I like mine with corn on the cob.

This is the perfect thing to eat during a heat wave. I posted it a few months back on my cooking blog, but I’m currently in the process of transferring everything over to this blog.

Balsamic Quinoa Salad

•1 cup uncooked quinoa

•12-15 stalks of asparagus, roasted

•1 tomato, diced

•1/2 cup cucumber, diced

•1 can of garbanzo beans, drained and rinsed

•1/3 cup of good quality balsamic dressing

•1 tablespoon of lemon juice

•1/4 teaspoon dried thyme

•1/4 teaspoon garlic powder

•salt and pepper to taste

Cook quinoa according to package directions. Roast asparagus and cut into bite sized peices. Toss everything together in a large bowl and chill for 3-4 hours. Serve over lettuce or throw it in a wrap with hummus and sunflower seeds.

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Lentil, Kale, and Chickpea Stew

• 1 tbs. olive oil

• 2 cloves of garlic, minced

• 1 onion, diced

• 1 cup of carrots, chopped

• 1 can of fire roasted diced tomatoes

• 1 can of chickpeas, drained and rinsed

• 32 ounce container of vegetable broth, plus one cup of water

• 2 cups of lentils

• 2 sprigs of rosemary

• 2 tsp of smoked paprika

• tiny pinch of cayenne pepper

• salt to taste

• 1 bunch of kale, rough stems removed and roughly chopped

Sauté garlic, onions, and carrots for about five minutes. Add everything else but the kale, bring to a boil and then reduce heat to a simmer. After lentils and carrots are cooked through, 20-30 minutes, turn off heat and stir in kale. Remove rosemary stems. Boom. Dinner.

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Vegan Not-Tella Banana Bread

Dry Ingredients:

• 1 1/2 cups of flour

• 1 cup organic sugar

• 1 tablespoon baking powder

• 1/4 teaspoon salt

• dash of cinnamon

Wet Ingredients:

• Egg substitute for 2 eggs, I used Ener-G

• 1/2 cup Earth Balance, room temperature

• 3 ripe bananas, mashed

• 1 teaspoon vanilla extract

• 1/4 cup Nutella substitute*, warmed in microwave for about 20 seconds

1. Mix dry ingredients, set aside.

2. Mix first four wet ingredients.

3. Combine wet and dry mixture.

4. Pour half of the mixture into a greased loaf pan. Drizzle half of the Nutella substitute on top and run a knife through it to marble.

5. Carefully pour remaining mixture on top and repeat with the remaining Nutella substitute.

6. Bake in a 325 degree oven for one hour.

7. Try not to eat entire loaf in one sitting. I dare you.

*Instead of using Nutella I used a vegan chocolate hazelnut butter. Justin’s Nut Butter (hate the name) makes a really delicious one. There’s also a great Not-Tella recipe in The Happy Herbivore.

Here’s that curry recipe.

• one small head of cauliflower

• one can of garbanzo beans (drained and rinsed)

• 1/4 cup of red lentils

• 4-5 cloves of minced garlic (it should be known that I like copious amounts of garlic, so if you don’t just tone it down)

• 2 cans of light coconut milk

• 2 tablespoons of red curry paste

• 2 tablespoons of minced ginger

• 1 tablespoon of minced lemongrass

• 1 tablespoon of brown sugar

• juice of two limes

• cilantro and/or Thai sweet basil for garnish

1. Chop up cauliflower and sautee with garlic in olive oil until garlic is tender.

2. Add everything else and bring to a boil, reduce to a simmer, and cook for 25-30 minutes.

3. Serve over rice or couscous.

4. Add a stupid amount of Sriracha.