That awkward moment when you see a picture of your fake boyfriend with his real girlfriend and you’re so confused/personally insulted. I mean come on. Her?
Mabel has an imaginary friend named Mally.
She’s a monster. Her favorite food is Play-Do and she wears a black dress.
Every time I see my family it’s like they’re having a competition on who can give me the most awkward hug… And they’re all winning.
Why didn’t you guys tell me that A League of Their Own had been added to netflix instant?
I just did that trick where I eat an entire pineapple in one sitting again.
Now, where’s that fucking swim soup (swimsuit)?– Mabel (File under: I have to stop cussing.)
I just found Mabel in her bedroom with the door closed wearing a helmet and reading a book. When I asked her what she was doing she said, just reading, without looking up. Then I asked her what was with the helmet to which she replied, “Oh, it’s just for the roller derby.” Of course it is.
Conversations with Mabel
Me: Do you want to go to the zoo today? Mabel: Them have dinosaurs there? Me: No Mabel: Oh. Them have books there? Me: No, they have animals. Mabel: I can hold the animals? Me: Well, no, you can only look at them. Mabel: Oh. Them have food there? Me: Yes! Mabel: Okay! We go to the zoo!
That awkward moment when you fart so loud that it startles the cat.
You know that overwhelming sense of pride you feel whenever someone compliments something you’ve worked really, really hard on? Or when someone tells you how cute/smart/polite your child is? Yeah, well, that’s how I feel every time someone points out how tan I am. Vanity at it’s finest, y’all.
Humans have two hands
One for holding burritos and one for touching butts.
A question for the runners.
Lately whenever I run my left hip is crazy sore for days after. Do you think it’s just time for new shoes or is it something more serious? Should I rest it or try to work it out?
Me: Do you want apple slices or applesauce? Mabel: Ummmm, apple pie!
Anyone have any tips/tricks on finding cheap airfare. I really need to go to Brazil and see that giant Jesus and look at those booties, but the cheapest ticket I can find is $900. Is that just how much it’s going to cost? Surely I can do better than that, right?