ihopericksantorum: I hope Rick Santorum goes to use his vibrator and realizes he is out of AAA batteries.
Mabel's commentary as I scroll through my...
Oh, a baby! Oh, a puppy! Mmmmmm, yummy bites! Pretty dress! It’s Star Wars! Oh, a kitty! Tea! Chocolate! Boobies!
Since it's Tuesday.
Even though I can button my jeans I still do the MacGyver hairband trick and wear a belly band like I did when I was pregnant because it’s like wearing soft pants all the time. I highly recommend it.
What the fuck, America?
I feel as bad for yesterday’s shooter as I do for the victims and their families. I think it’s a failure on everybody when something like this happens. He obviously felt he had no other option and that breaks my heart. I am in no way excusing his actions, I just think that instead of blaming video games and song lyrics, people should look around their own communities and reach out to...
Fuck Battlestar Galactica, they finally added season two of Archer.
We went to Lowe’s and picked out paint samples today. I haven’t been this happy in a long time. Lame, but it is what it is. We picked out bright white for the living room/dining area with one small wall painted black. A soft, but still bright yellow for the kitchen. Pale blue for Mabel’s room, and a super light silver grey for ours. Best part is the landlord said she’d...
There’s a picture of Mabel dressed up as Batman Princess that people keep reblogging and it makes my dash all wonky and it’s semi irritating blah blah blah. Anyway. Someone rebloged it today and added: YO THAT’S SOME WHITE PRIVILEGE RIGHT THERE LIKE SHE CAN JUST ASK AND GET WHATEVER SHE WANTS SHE DON’T EVEN CHECK HER PRIVILEGE DON’T HER PARENTS KNOW HOW TERRIBLE THEY’RE BEING AND THE...
We signed a lease today for a house in Little Rock. It’s a few houses down from my best friend Katie, which means Mabel will be a few houses down from her most favorite human, Greta Sunshine. I. Am. So. Fucking. Excited. I can’t wait to get out of this backwoods town and this brown apartment. Our new house has giant windows and tons of natural light and a fenced in backyard for...
One foot in front of the other.
I just received a notice from the front office that we need to inform them of which animal we are getting rid of since we are only allowed one pet per apartment. My brain could quite possibly explode. I mean what else? What other stupid bullshit is going to be thrown at me right now? Nevermind. Don’t answer that.
Conversations with Mabel
Mabel: Mabel need wotion? (lotion)
Me: Sure. You can have some lotion.
Mabel: Mommy need wotion?
Me: No, I'm alright.
Mabel: Mommy need wotion on her face? Here mommy. I do it.
Me: (As she's putting lotion on my face.) What's that smell? Have you been digging in your butt?
Mabel: Yeah! My diggin in my booty!
I just found a vintage couture gown on etsy from the 30’s that is way too small, but so beautiful that I briefly considered having gastric bypass surgery in order to wear it. That’s probably not normal. Someone please take etsy away from me, it’s rotting my brain.
I just poop on a potty! It’s not a baby turd. No. It’s a big...– Mabel
I swear to God everyone in this house is playing the “let’s see who can make her lose her mind first” game. And they’re all winning.
Is it ridiculous that I secretly hope Rick Santorum will be elected as our next president because it will only speed up the revolution? If so, then I am ridiculous.
It’s not even 10 am and I already give up. I just want to go back to bed and try again tomorrow. I don’t know how anyone has more than one kid. I would lose my fucking mind.
I wonder if our neighbors will be sad when we move because they won’t get to hear me screech along to Bruce Springsteen anymore or run my food processor at all hours of the night?
I shave my legs maybe five times a year. Maybe. I shave my armpits even less. I just don’t see the point.
I meet with a lawyer next Tuesday even though everyone I know in the legal community says I won’t need one because the judge will surely throw the case out. But what if the judge is a bigger idiot than the dumbass who arrested me? I really don’t want to go through life with a theft of property charge over a goddamned pen. I just can’t wait to get this shit sorted out. ...
I’ve got to stop eating lasagna for breakfast.
We might be moving back to Little Rock soon. I’m so happy I could slap someone.
Also, there was this video. Proof that she’s always been the hungriest hippo.
Fuck Yeah Hummus Recipes →