I went to the grocery store tonight because we don’t have any groceries (duh) and we’re expecting a horrible ice storm in the next few days (the dude on CNN said Little Rock will be an ice rink then the bastard chuckled fml) ANYWAYS there’s still this alien trying to get out of my chest and whenever I move I have severe coughing fits and I had one of those said fits in the produce section that ended with me vomiting on the floor with one million people around to bear witness then me screaming I’M SORRY YOU HAD TO SEE THAT in their faces and then I just left my shit and very slowly hobbled to my car in shame.
Mabel proudly announced to the people in line at Starbucks this morning that I have diarrhea, and just in case anyone was unclear on what that was, she went on to explain it was “really bad poop problems with your booty.”
So now Trent will be home tomorrow and I have this irrational urge to cook a traditional meal but I have zero ingredients to make that happen so looks like I’m that asshole who’s going to the grocery store the day before thanksgiving. Hooray.
My mom made me watch Silence of the Lambs with her when I was eight because she was too scared to watch it by herself. There’s a whole lot wrong with me and I feel like most of it can be attributed to that fucking movie.
So I’m pretty sure I’m going to tell my in-laws that I’m spending thanksgiving with my family and I’m going to tell my family I’m spending it with my in-laws and Mabel and I are actually going to spend the day at the movie theater and gorge ourselves on Chinese food.
1. First impression: He might be more of a sarcastic asshole than I am. I’m not sure what to do with that.
2. Truth is: I love your guts. 3. How old do you look: I don’t know, but your penis looks fabulous. 4. Have you ever made me laugh: Jurassic Park. Accidental porn. Sexy camping adventures gone awry (totally had to google the spelling of that word so I guess the joke is on me.) 5. Have you ever made me mad: Your stupid misplaced love for Connecticut (had to google that one too) I mean just move closer already. Also you have more sex than I do. That’s irritating. 6. Best feature: You know that a box of mac & cheese equals a single serving. 7. Have I ever had a crush on you: You’re my on-line gay husband so it would be weird if I didn’t. 8. You’re my: Guinnea pig parent. I’m just going to watch what you do with your kids and then do the exact same thing. 9. Name in my phone: Bujnik
why the fuck not hi (be nice please I'm very fragile)
1. First impression: Oh looks like she loves Harry Potter as much as I do.
2. Truth is: You totally do. Maybe even more which I didn’t even think was possible. 3. How old do you look: 20? I don’t know. If you were in America I would totally card you/possibly refuse to sell you booze. 4. Have you ever made me laugh: Only all the time. 5. Have you ever made me mad: No, unless you count the distance between Arkansas and Australia. I can’t even afford to ship a package there, much less buy a damn plane ticket. 6. Best feature: Sense of humor. Badass mothering skills. That accent yo. 7. Have I ever had a crush on you: This question isn’t fair. I have crushes on everyone. Just ask my husband. 8. You’re my: Favorite youtube person/channel/vlogger. I don’t know what it’s called. I’m not hip. 9. Name in my phone: Jessica (Who loves Harry Potter) 10. Should you post this too? duh